i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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