Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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