New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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