My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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