omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize