so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize