Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Be still, my beating vagina.
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Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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