I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I touched a dick in church today
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