Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize