She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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