her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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