chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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