Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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