After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
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My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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