imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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