The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
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Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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