the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
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