So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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