glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
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it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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