3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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