I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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