I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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