my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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