He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize