You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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