Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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