it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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