is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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