New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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