You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
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I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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