so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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