So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize