I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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