Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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