a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
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I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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