Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize