Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
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I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
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Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize