im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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