Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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