i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
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Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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