she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
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He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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