dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize