I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize