he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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