She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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