Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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