My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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