I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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