Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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