and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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